I don't even know how to start this

I don't remember feeling this kind of pain ever

It hit me 4 hours after we sent them off
4 hours after we last held hands, kissed.

It hit me after I did my errands.
In my car, after I shut the door
Right after I took my earphones off.
When the music stopped,
When the noise finally died down,
When I was alone in my car.
Alone with my feelings and thoughts of him.

It hit me that that was the last time I'd feel his skin.
That that was the last time he'd be able to hold me in his arms,
Touch his hair, his face.
Look into his eyes and tell him I love him.

I started breathing hard and heavy
And before I knew it, I was dry heaving.
Then came the tears.

The pain was so physical, it's unreal.
Like I could literally feel my heart squeeze.
It was terrifying how physical it felt.
It's almost crippling.
I was ugly crying while clutching my chest,
Like I was scared that it's going to collapse.

The hit was so strong it's like a punch in my gut.

I knew from the beginning that this is going to hurt.
But not to this extent.

Why did I still do it?, you'll ask.
Because it's bound to happen. That's why.
Na kahit anong pagpigil gawin ko, IT WILL HAPPEN.
We were meant to fall in love again.
Kase there's no other way.
I can't even imagine myself with anyone else anymore.
He's everything I ever wanted. And more.

Yes, go on, mock me.
I know I'm (disgustingly) in love.
But how could I not be??
And I know that if I let this go, if I let him get away,
That it'd be the stupidest thing I ever did.
And I'd be known as the girl who let love go

He's my forever and always.

Fuck ang cheesy!
Shoot me now oh gosh.

bye.
Off to cry some more.