Renaming FaceTime.
Posted by louie louie on Monday, December 31, 2012
I now call it TortureTimeTM.
Because of how evil it is, how cruel it is to me.
I'm frakking tired. I want to go to sleep.
Then you text, "FaceTime tayo!"
Also known as
"Let me torture you for a bit by being cute and flirty but you can't have me because I have a freaking girlfriend who is actually kinda cute so you can't say bad things about her."
So I get up and say yes to TortureTimeTM with you, you bitch.
Why do I do this to myself?
Sigh.
You are too cute.
In a puppy kind of way.
Mr. TortureTimeTM looks like a puppy.
You'll be shocked at how literal that is.
You know he was fairly smaller than me when we were in Elementary.
So I wonder how tall he is now.
He was asking about my height too, I bet he's wondering how he'll look beside me.
(He'll look skinny because of my fat self)
So of course I looked at your fb page.
Of course I stalked you a bit.
Yes, only just a bit.
Your girlfriend is all over your fb so I can't snoop much. I don't like what I see.
But, yeah, question:
Yes, uhm is your girlfriend really that tiny? Like pocket-size tiny? Travel friendly tiny?
Kase on your photos wiv her, her head barely reaches your neck.
Well anyway, not that I care.
So I saw that you're facetiming her too.
Because I saw like 2 sets of FaceTime screenshot wiv her on your fb page.
Yes it's nothing, not a big deal.
It's just....
TortureTimeTM Part1
at the start of the conversation
You: Ang ganda mo naman (with so much sincerity I swear that there's nothing else you can do but smile)
Me: ....
You: Picturan kita ah.... Yannn
Me: Ha? Hindi ako ready. Ulit! (I won't ever be ready. Everyone knows I'm not photogenic, no one is worse than me)
You: O cge isa pa.
before the end of conversation
You: Wait picture ulit.
Me: Ha? O cge. (kinda poses awkwardly. What the hell am I doing?)
TortureTimeTM Part2
You: Cute naman ng lips mo.
Me: Petroleum lang yan. (Actually no, I was wearing lipstick really)
(I put it on when he invited me to TortureTimeTM)
You: (asking for photo again)
Me: Wag na! Nakakahiya na, wala akong make up. (I was tarted up for TortureTimeTM Part1, because reasons.)
You: Maganda ka pa din kahit walang make up
Me: (So much feels. I frakking believed him because I want to and I was wearing lipstick, AND he actually wants a photo of me, ng walang make up ah. I mean ME!!!! Ms. So Not Photogenic Since '89)
You: (saying stuff about what he thinks about my cheeks, a.k.a my fat face)
You Again: (then asks for photo again)
Me: .... (sucked my cheeks in)
You: Isa pa, yung totoo.
Me: Ano bang sinasabi mo? Ganyan talaga muka ko.
You: Wacky yun eh. yung totoo na.
Me: (smiles awkwardly) (What the hell am I doing?)
Wala lang, shinare ko lang na he took photos while TortuteTimingTM wiv me
Like what he did with his midget girlfriend
Wala lang talaga! Sinasabi ko lang!
Fact:
I wasn't wearing a bra for TortureTimeTM Part2
And I was stretching my arms over my head.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME
Because of how evil it is, how cruel it is to me.
I'm frakking tired. I want to go to sleep.
Then you text, "FaceTime tayo!"
Also known as
"Let me torture you for a bit by being cute and flirty but you can't have me because I have a freaking girlfriend who is actually kinda cute so you can't say bad things about her."
So I get up and say yes to TortureTimeTM with you, you bitch.
Why do I do this to myself?
Sigh.
You are too cute.
In a puppy kind of way.
Mr. TortureTimeTM looks like a puppy.
You'll be shocked at how literal that is.
You know he was fairly smaller than me when we were in Elementary.
So I wonder how tall he is now.
He was asking about my height too, I bet he's wondering how he'll look beside me.
(He'll look skinny because of my fat self)
So of course I looked at your fb page.
Of course I stalked you a bit.
Yes, only just a bit.
Your girlfriend is all over your fb so I can't snoop much. I don't like what I see.
But, yeah, question:
Yes, uhm is your girlfriend really that tiny? Like pocket-size tiny? Travel friendly tiny?
Kase on your photos wiv her, her head barely reaches your neck.
Well anyway, not that I care.
So I saw that you're facetiming her too.
Because I saw like 2 sets of FaceTime screenshot wiv her on your fb page.
Yes it's nothing, not a big deal.
It's just....
TortureTimeTM Part1
at the start of the conversation
You: Ang ganda mo naman (with so much sincerity I swear that there's nothing else you can do but smile)
Me: ....
You: Picturan kita ah.... Yannn
Me: Ha? Hindi ako ready. Ulit! (I won't ever be ready. Everyone knows I'm not photogenic, no one is worse than me)
You: O cge isa pa.
before the end of conversation
You: Wait picture ulit.
Me: Ha? O cge. (kinda poses awkwardly. What the hell am I doing?)
TortureTimeTM Part2
You: Cute naman ng lips mo.
Me: Petroleum lang yan. (Actually no, I was wearing lipstick really)
(I put it on when he invited me to TortureTimeTM)
You: (asking for photo again)
Me: Wag na! Nakakahiya na, wala akong make up. (I was tarted up for TortureTimeTM Part1, because reasons.)
You: Maganda ka pa din kahit walang make up
Me: (So much feels. I frakking believed him because I want to and I was wearing lipstick, AND he actually wants a photo of me, ng walang make up ah. I mean ME!!!! Ms. So Not Photogenic Since '89)
You: (saying stuff about what he thinks about my cheeks, a.k.a my fat face)
You Again: (then asks for photo again)
Me: .... (sucked my cheeks in)
You: Isa pa, yung totoo.
Me: Ano bang sinasabi mo? Ganyan talaga muka ko.
You: Wacky yun eh. yung totoo na.
Me: (smiles awkwardly) (What the hell am I doing?)
Wala lang, shinare ko lang na he took photos while TortuteTimingTM wiv me
Like what he did with his midget girlfriend
Wala lang talaga! Sinasabi ko lang!
Fact:
I wasn't wearing a bra for TortureTimeTM Part2
And I was stretching my arms over my head.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME
